Why me! Mad Tea Party
by bagheera
Summary: Zaphikel, Raziel, Sefie-dono, a mysterious hooded guest, an expensive, original Japanese blend of tea...


So I have written a piece with those characters in it again... I like them, and I love the comic potential of Sefie. He's also very tragic, of course. Very tragic....  
  
***WARNING!!** May contain: Zaphikel, the mysterious dark hooded guest, Raziel, Mr Scythe, expensive, original Japanese tea blend, Sefie-dono and a party... and nuts.  
  
A (probably horrible) attempt at Angel Sanctuary parody. Beware....  
  
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-Why me?! ( or Mad Tea Party) -  
  
It's sneaking time! Peeking-through-keyholes time! Finding-secret-passages- behind-bookcases-and-exploring-forbidden-looking-rooms time!! The cat has left the house and the mice... um, yes.  
  
Zaphikel-sama has left his office. A sudden call from Sefie - that'll take its time. Come to think of it... these calls happen suspiciously often... one starts to wonder why Sefie likes to see Zaphikel-sama so much... oh no. One stops wondering!!! Eww...  
  
Raziel tried to forget this particular upsetting train of thought and smiled a triumphant smile and started rummaging around the strictly forbidden bookcases. He just couldn't help it... suddenly there was a dark, dark, dark, looming knock on the door. He froze, his blue eyes wide. And scrambled to hide himself under the desk.  
  
The door was opened with a screeching sound. His breath stopped. Someone came inside. Someone definitely not Zaphikel-sama. Someone in dark, ominous, ankle-long robes. Someone who steps into the middle of the room, lingers, then starts to walk around, seemingly inspecting the (forbidden!) bookcases.  
  
Raziel wonders if he should do something. But who knows what kind of man that is. If it is a man at all... and he is not allowed to speak to strangers. Yes. He'll stay under the desk and he'll not talk to strangers in dark, ominous robes who dare o look at strictly forbidden bookcases.  
  
The stranger stops again. The he moves to settle on the big armchair. Now, Raziel can see a bit more of him. He mainly sees dark, ominous robes. And gloves, and black leather boots. That's cool. It's exactly what a bad guy wears, and that's cool. Raziel has never seen a bad guy before (only if you count Sefie, but Sefie doesn't count because his clothes are just plain weird.). The potential villain is also pretty tall. Probably a man. His face is hidden by a dark hood.  
  
His feet start to ache. The space under the desk is too small to be lurking there for a long time (at least 5 minutes now!) without making a sound. He shuffles a bit. Nothing happens. He gets a little more daring and rises behind the desk. Maybe the stranger has fallen asleep. He has not. His hood turns around... slowly... his hidden eyes settle (supposedly..) on Raziel.  
  
"Oh! Uh... um... would you like some tea? Sir?!" Raziel squeaks.  
  
The strangers doesn't react, for a time that is about as long as you need to blink in confusion. Then he nods slowly. Raziel's eyes widen even more (and they already are as wide as saucers in their normal state...)  
  
"Yes, Sir! Tea, Sir!"  
  
When Raziel returns with the tea (the best, original Japanese blend, because potentially-evil-hooded-tall-and-dark-men deserve only the best tea.), the stranger has not moved. Raziel hesitates. He is almost certain that Zaphikel-sama would not approve. Serving tea to strangers is not on his task-list.  
  
"Sugar, Sir?"  
  
TWO PIECES, PLEASE, answers a voice... inside him?!  
  
The tablet crashes to the floor (which luckily is made of marble, that's easier to clean.). Raziel shrieks with fear. I hear voices! Oh no no no no ... I'm not hearing voices...  
  
The voices inside his head sigh. WHAT A PITY. ALL THAT EXPENSIVE, ORIGINAL JAPANESE BLEND TEA....  
  
Raziel inhales deeply, ready to shriek some more, when the office door is thrown open and Zaphikel storms in, black hair swishing behind him, a harassed frown on his face.  
  
"That stupid bugger Sefie...," he mutters and stops dead in his tracks.  
  
"My tea..." his eyes widen. (Wonder how he notices the tea being spilled? He's blind, isn't he? He smells the unique smell of expensive, original Japanese blend tea on marble floor.)  
  
"Um."  
  
"RAZIEL-KUN? I want an explanation!"  
  
"Um... the stranger, I .. .the tea... he's... he's... armchair..."  
  
Zaphikel spun around, facing the armchair (he knows his office well).  
  
"Who's there, Raziel-kun?" he asks, his voice icy and threatening (this is, obviously, evil, dark Zaphikel, and not cheery, chattering Zaphikel.)  
  
"It's.."  
  
IT'S ME.  
  
"Oh it's you," Zaphikel says (switching into cheerful-mode).  
  
Silence. Raziel frowns in confusion. "Zaphikel-sama? Why is it you know dark-hood-wearing-mind-talking strangers? Have you been keeping secrets from me?"  
  
Zaphikel sighs. Zaphikel frowns. Zaphikel pinches his nose and adjusts his glasses. "Raziel-kun..." his voice is silky. Silky is bad. Raziel gulps. "What exactly are you doing in my study while I am away having secret, conspicuous meetings with our dear dictator ?"  
  
"Um... I... the tea... the tea, Sir!"  
  
"What's with the tea?"  
  
The hooded man points to the tea on the ground.  
  
"What's with the tea, Raziel-kun?"  
  
The hooded man points to the tea on the ground.  
  
"I.. he...wanted... wanted the tea, Zaphikel-sama, Sir!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
The hooded man points to the tea on the ground.  
  
"He ordered tea.."  
  
"Who ordered..."  
  
I ORDERED THE STUPID DAMN SPILLED EXPENSIVE ORIGINAL JAPANESE TEA!! I ORDERED THE TEA! YES , ME! AND YOU WILL NOTICE ME KNOW! I'M STILL HERE, YOU KNOW! AND I AM angry , YES YOU WILL FEEL MY WRATH, THE WRATH OF THE URIEL! I WILL DESTROY EVERYTHING IN A ONE MILE RADIUS WHILE I'LL BE THROWING A HUGE FIT OF DAMN HOLY RAGE!!!  
  
Zaphikel blinks. Raziel blinks twice. Uriel pants. And threatens to continue.  
  
I AM REALLY -  
  
Zaphikel jumps and (thankfully not missing the other angel and crashing unceremoniously into a forbidden bookcase) clamps the mouth of the raging angel of death etc. shut.  
  
"Shhhh!" He looks around like a paranoiac. "He could hear you."  
  
Uriel blinks, wrath momentarily forgotten.  
  
BUT... I'M ONLY TALKING INSIDE YOUR HEAD? He says, despite the hand effectively clamping his mouth shut. AND COULD YOU PLEASE REMOVE THAT HAND? I SMELLS OF HAIR BLEACH AND...WHAT'S THE OTHER STUFF?  
  
Zaphikel flushes and removes the hand, flushing.  
  
"Hair bleach and cleaning agent. That's Sefie. He's dirt obsessed, you know?" he grins sheepishly.  
  
"Um," says Raziel.  
  
UH...SINCE WHEN DO YOU SMELL LIKE SEFIE?  
  
Zaphikel let's go of Uriel and steps back. He starts laughing nervously.  
  
"Ha ha... it's ... you know how it's like, don't you... heh... you meet your arch-enemy, you talk a bit, he threatens a bit, you grovel a bit, he whacks you with his stick, you try to ignore it, he threatens a bit more, you grovel a bit harder, he starts groping you..."  
  
"What?!"  
  
WHAT?!  
  
"It's really disturbing! I mean, I can't even see his face. I couldn't see his face even if I could see at all! And if I could see, well, he might be ugly! Or older than me! Or..." Zaphikel falters, starting to weep with self- pity.  
  
"I'm being harassed! I'm a blind man! You can't harass me!"  
  
A faint, strange sound is heard inside their mind. It's chuckling. Uriel chuckles.  
  
POOR ZAPHIKEL, he says good-naturedly and pats the upset angel on his back.  
  
"Well... I don't think he's ugly, if it helps you," Raziel says, not being helpful.  
  
"Really?" Zaphikel says hopefully. "But he hides his face! Why should he hide his face if he wasn't horribly ugly and disfigured !? (Or older than me?)"  
  
"Um... because he doesn't want to be recognised?"  
  
"..." Zaphikel doesn't seem consoled.  
  
Suddenly a huge screen comes to life, displaying Sefie's face. He looks his usual weird self, white hair, white skin, creepy eyes, lower half of his face veiled. Raziel flushes and tries to keep himself from bursting into fits of giggling like a school girl. Uriel merely studies Sefie's face with interest, feeling very secure beneath his hood.  
  
"Zaphikel?" Sefie frowns at the man who currently sitting on the floor, in a puddle of spilt, expensive original Japanese blend tea, looking deeply flustered.  
  
"A hah ha.. Sevothtarte! How nice.... to see you!" he laughs nervously, trying to appear perfectly normal and dignified while sitting on the floor, in a puddle of spilt, expensive original Japanese blend tea.  
  
"You're not seeing me," Sefie says dryly.  
  
"But I can imagine it very well," Zaphikel says with a smirk.  
  
Sefie raises one eyebrow, not sure what to make of this comment, and sadly unable to whack him across the head with his stick via the screen.  
  
"How may I serve you?" Zaphikel asks, already being his business self again.  
  
"Who are those... individuals?"  
  
"Who.. oh these!" Zaphikel flashes a brilliant albeit false smile. "This is Raziel, my attendant. I believe you have met before..."  
  
Raziel bowed, feeling like Homer Simpson being introduced to Mr Burns for the umpty-umpth time. (That is, he would have felt like that, had 'The Simpsons' been aired in heaven. Sadly, it had not.)  
  
"Ah, yes," Sefie said, obviously uninterested "very nice... and who's the other one?" he leered.  
  
"That's Mr... ( How should he call him? Mr Spock ? Mr Bean? Mr Bunny ?... oh no, that would be rather unfortunate...) ... Mr Scythe!" he finally said, as if stating the most obvious. An indignant huff was heard inside his head.  
  
Sefie's eyes became slits. "Scythe? That is not a very... angelic name, is it, Mr Scythe?"  
  
"That's because Mr Scythe is not an Angel!" - another huff - "He's from Hades! A ghost. Yes, a ghost."  
  
"A ghost. Of course. And what are you entertaining ghosts for, Zaphikel?"  
  
"What... we're having a tea party, of course! Don't you see the tea? (the expensive original Japanese blend tea!!)"  
  
Sefie twitched. He desperately longed to thwack somebody (preferably a certain, tall, dark-haired blind man) across the face. Maybe draw a little blood.  
  
"A tea party? And I am not invited?"  
  
Three people looked extremely puzzled. Sefie, dictator of Heaven, wanted to have tea with them? Oh no!!!  
  
"Oh... but the tea is spilled, you see? The extremely rare, extremely unique expensive original Japanese blend tea. I fear it was the last one, too."  
  
Sefie pouted, but no one saw it, due to his masked face.  
  
"But, great Sefie-dono, what is your reason to call me?"  
  
"I need to talk to you."  
  
"But... didn't we 'talk' twenty minutes ago?"  
  
"I need to talk some more."  
  
Zaphikel looked at his friends for help. Raziel shrugged. Uriel chuckled. He hadn't been so amused for aeons. No wonder he liked to visit his old friend from time to time. Zaphikel bowed his head in defeat. Sefie rubbed his hands in glee. Zaphikel was ready for another round of threatening, thwacking and, most importantly...  
  
"Yes, Sefie-dono. I'll be there in a minute," he sighed. The screen went black. He collapsed into a chair, burying his face in his hands.  
  
"Why me?!" 


End file.
